


Give me a sign

by the_darkest_soul



Category: teen wolf - Fandom
Genre: Angst, Anorexia, Depression, Love, M/M, can be triggering, self hate, sterek, suicidal
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-08-06
Updated: 2017-09-03
Packaged: 2018-12-12 01:00:16
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 4,681
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11726229
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/the_darkest_soul/pseuds/the_darkest_soul
Summary: Post-NogitsuneStiles is fighting with not only depression but also anorexia and Derek is there to help."He didn't want to eat and his priority was to survive one more day without food. He fought he didn't deserve it. He didn't deserve to live."





	1. Chapter 1

Stiles always had some problems but most of them weren't that serious like that particular one. Month ago, after Nogitsune has been killed and everything went back to normal Stiles was spending every second in his bed, depressed. Derek was the one to bring Stiles back and gave him a reason to live by making him his boyfriend. So when Stiles came back to school and was again sarcastic and silly, everyone assumed that everything was okay. However they missed a simple but deadly fact only Derek later found out about ... Stiles stopped eating, after that demon he couldn't even look at food and his weight was dropping dangerously fast. He didn't tell Derek but he didn't want to eat and his priority was to survive one more day without food. He fought he didn't deserve it. He didn't deserve to live.  
"Hi guys." human smiled at the pack sitting beside the school outside table.  
It was a lunch break so Malia, Lydia, Scott and Liam decided to meet and eat together.  
"Hi buddy." Scott greeted mouth full of sandwich, making him a place to sit. "So when everyone are here I wanted to invite you all for a family dinner tonight. Derek is also invited." He looked at Stiles.  
"Cool." Malia smiled. "What time?"  
"6 pm."  
"I'll be there." She admitted.  
"Me too." Lydia added.  
"I'm free." Liam smiled. "What about you Stiles?" He asked.  
"I'll talk to Derek and give you an answer." human faked a smile.  
He didn't want to go there but he had to make an illusion that everything was okay, if not they'll be asking questions and he wanted to avoid that. When Stiles was thinking what to do his stomach betrayed him rumbling.  
"Dude eat something... I'm pretty sure they heard your stomach on the other side of the school." Liam joked.  
"I'm not hungry." Stiles lied taking a sip of his daily water. The only thing that kept his stomach from total emptiness.  
Fortunately before Liam could say something more the bell rang.  
"Okay guys see you later." Lydia smiled before she took Malia by the hand and lead them to classroom.  
"I'm off too. I don't want to write another essay from being late." Liam sighed before leaving.  
"Okay Scott. Derek is probably waiting for me so I'll text you later." Stiles said getting up.  
"Stiles wait..." Scott stepped in front of him. "Is everything okay?"  
"Yes." human smiled. "Why?"  
"Because I haven't seen you eat for weeks and I'm pretty sure that when your stomach rumble it means it needs food."  
"Scott relax. I'm eating very healthy actually but I have to keep regular hours. And what you heard wasn't rumbling. I've been having problems with my stomach and that's where my diet comes from.." Stiles lied like it was nothing special and Scott believed again.  
"Okay but remember, if something's wrong I'm here." werewolf smiled before he left.  
When Stiles got into Derek's car he kissed him as a hello and told him about Scott's plan.  
"That's nice of him, I think we should go." Hale admitted driving off the parking lot.  
"Sure, why not." Stiles smiled sadly.  
For another few minutes no one said anything but Derek decided to cut the silence with his usual question since he found out about Stiles' disorder.  
"Did you eat today?" he asked. "Please don't lie."  
"Derek I..." human started but he cut him off.  
"Stiles I want a straight answer."  
"No." Stilinski whispered sadly, looking through the window.  
His boyfriend just clenched his teeth, his hands smashing the wheel as he pulled over in the middle of the forest. Stiles knew Derek wasn't mad at him. He was mad at himself because he couldn't help, he didn't know how. Not saying anything Stiles took Derek's hand into his before he rested his head on wolf's chest.  
"I'm sorry.." Derek whispered when he calmed down.  
"Don't be. You're doing great..."  
"No I'm not."  
"Derek.." Stiles sighed getting up. "Look at me." He waited till alfa did so. "I wouldn't be alive if not you. You're my savior.."  
"But I can't save you from starving yourself to death..."  
"I'm not starving myself... I promise you, everything is okay." human said looking into Hale's eyes.  
Being that close Derek realized that the sparkle Stiles had in his eyes wasn't there anymore, his face was grey and pale and cheekbones looked like they could break the skin. Like something died inside him.  
"I'll save you. I promise." Derek whispered before kissing his boyfriend passionately.  
Stlies changed his position to sit on Derek's lap, facing him. Whenever their conversation was getting too serious Stiles was taking it to the bed. He didn't want Derek to worry so he always found a way to distract him. Human started kissing his wolf's neck, slipping his hands under Derek's t-shirt and making him shiver from the touch...  
Few long moments later they where both already half dressed and Stiles was breathing heavily on top of Derek, hiding his head in Hale's neck.  
"What time is it?" Stilinski asked.  
"We still got like three hours." Derek responded letting out a heavy sight as Stiles went back to his seat.  
"Great, so I can take a nap." boy smiled as they were back on the road. "I'm okay, just tired." He added quickly when he saw Derek's look.  
When they arrived at Hale's place Stiles putted on his sleeping pants and headed out to their bedroom telling Derek to wake him up half past five. When his boyfriend was asleep Derek called Scott to tell him they'll come. Walking around the apartment he saw Stiles' backpack on the floor. He took and opened it without hesitation. First thing his sight went on was a small box of antidepressants, Stiles was talking them since the Nogitsune, then he realized there was another box that shouldn't be there, containing those diet pills that makes your stomach feel full and helps you get through strict diets. That was when Derek realized Stiles didn't want to go back. The boy was saying that he just can't look at food since what Nogitsune have done but now Derek knew it wasn't just this. Stiles didn't want to eat and that's why he was keeping these pills. To feel full without food. Next to them he found water so he opened the bottle to try it, only to find out that it didn't taste normally and smelled like those pills. Stiles has this bottle with him everywhere they went.  
Before he could look for something more he heard his boyfriend's voice.  
"You don't trust me that much?" he joked before he saw what Derek was holding and his eyes flashed with fear. "Derek.."  
"Why?" Hale just asked a single tear fell from his right eye.  
"Derek I..."  
"You told me you want to eat but you can't. Why did you lie?" he looked at his boyfriend.  
Stiles seemed even smaller than he was. Frozen in fear.  
"Why..." Derek repeated. "Why are you doing this to yourself? Why?!" His voice getting louder. "Why didn't you come to me?! Why didn't you tell me?!" When he saw Stiles' eyes were wet from tears he calmed himself a little. "How long?" He just asked.  
"A month." Stiles was looking at the floor.  
"Why?"  
"Because I don't deserve to eat just like I don't deserve to live."  
"Don't say that."  
Stiles felt strong arm hugging him.  
"Stiles look at me honey." Human obeyed."Whenever something is wrong just come to me, okay? We will get you out of it. I promise you."  
Stiles just smiled before he kissed him. He will fight. For Derek.


	2. Chapter 2

Five minutes before they're supposed to leave Stiles was in the bathroom staring at his reflection in the mirror.  
"You can do this." He said.  
After conversation with Derek he promised himself he will do anything it will take to eat again, starting from tonight's dinner.  
"Get your shit together. For Derek. For dad." He closed his eyes and took a deep breath when he felt strong arms hugging him from behind and soft lips brushing his neck.  
"You ready?" Derek whispered with his lips brushing human's skin, sending a shiver through Stiles' body from cold breath.  
"Yea.." he lied.  
"Stiles baby.." Hale started as he was now looking at his boyfriend's reflection in the mirror. "I don't want to push you.. I just want you to be okay... And I'm here to help you with this.."  
"I know Derek.." Stiles smiled turning around to face the werewolf. "Let's go." He said before he left a small kiss on Derek's lips.

They arrived at Scott's house just in time. Stiles hugged Melissa and dad before he said hello to the rest and sat by the table with Derek next to him.  
"Finally I can have dinner with my son." Sheriff joked.  
"Oh come on dad it's not that bad.." Stiles answered smiling.  
"So how is living together going?"Melissa asked as she placed the last dish on the table and sat.  
"It's going great. Except maybe that I have to nearly use my full power to make him get up every morning." Derek laughed.  
"Oh come on, you wake up at 5 am for a run. It's not normal." Stiles spoked.  
"It's called patrolling. Scott makes me do it."  
Human gave his best friend a hateful look.  
"You're an alpha, he can't make you."  
"Sorry honey but patrolling is important..." he said aloud before he whispered into boy's eat. "But I alway make it up to you."  
Sheriff cleared his throat so Derek moved away a little bit.  
"His father is here and he has a gun." He said half joking.  
"Daad.." Stiles moaned before Derek left a small kiss on his cheek.  
"Okay guys let's eat." Melissa spoke taking her plate.  
At first Sheriff's son didn't know what to do but he eventually took some vegetables and the smallest chicken leg he could find.  
Now everyone was talking. Malia and Lydia about the hardest test in the world, Scott, Liam and Derek about patrols and Sheriff was complementing Melissa's dishes in every way possible. At first Stiles was talking with girls about classes they were having together but when subject has changed his mind stopped listening. Now Stiles was staring at the full plate not hearing what everyone was saying. With a shaking hand he grabbed a fork and sticked it to the smallest carrot he could find. "Do it" he thought. "It's just a one stupid vegetable." He swallowed loudly before he closed his eyes and felt a long forgotten taste on his tongue as he started chewing slowly. He looked at Derek and their sights met, human faked a smile before he swallow just when Hale grabbed Stiles' hand into his as a sign of support. It was too much for him.  
"Excuse me." Stiles smiled getting up.  
He made his way to the bathroom, locking the doors before he slipped on the ground resting his head on the wall. He made it..He ate a carrot. He should be proud of himself.. then why this single tiny carrot felt so heavy in his stomach? He felt guilty.. just like a person on a diet who ate a whole cake at once. Not thinking straight he took a toothbrush from the sink and crawled to the toilet. Leaning over it he pushed the end of the brush as far into his throat as he could, removing it before he vomit. He collapsed on the wall wiping his mouth with toilet paper.  
"I'm sorry.." he whispered before bursting into tears.  
That cry was hysterical, like a cry for help even though he knew no one could help him. With full power he throw that stupid tooth brush into the wall. He grabbed his hair in frustration, hiding his face.  
"I'm sorry.. I'm so sorry..." he was repeating over and over.  
Suddenly he heard knocking.  
"Stiles you okay?" Lydia asked.  
He wiped off the tears with his sleeve.  
"I'm fine." He lied, voice shaking.  
"Can I come in?" This time it was Derek, the last person Stiles wanted to see right now.  
"Leave me alone... Please..." human whispered.  
"What's going on?" Sheriff asked worryingly.  
Because Stiles was living with Derek since they got together, his dad didn't know what was going on. The boys were visiting him but not that often that he could see how his son has changed.  
"It's Stiles, he doesn't want to come out.." Lydia answered.  
"Stiles..." Derek spoke again resting his forehead and hand on the door. "Please.. I want to help you..."  
For a moment there was only a silence before they heard a quiet click and the doors opened slightly just for Derek to see his boyfriend standing there in a mess. His eyes were red from crying and he was shaking.  
"Guy's can you leave us for a moment?" Hale asked.  
Everyone obeyed since Derek was the alpha but not Sheriff and Melissa.  
"I want to know what's going on with my son." he said.  
"I'll tell you dad but now please go.." Stiles spoke weakly. "I'm sorry Derek." He just whispered when everyone was gone, but werewolf knew exactly what he meant.  
"Don't be.. Let's take you home." Hale smiled sadly before wrapped his hands around human.  
When Derek touched him Stiles lost it, bursting into tears again he hide his face in Hale's chest.  
"I disappointed you.." he mumbled.  
"No you didn't."  
"Please forgive me." He sobbed.  
"There is nothing to forgive honey." Derek whispered. "Look at me."  
Stiles did so and Hale wiped a tear with his thumb. "We will get through this. You'll get help and everything will be alright."  
"I love you.." Stiles just said.  
"I love you too." Derek answered kissing him. Before Stiles could say anything more everything went black.


	3. Chapter 3

Stiles' body collapsed in Derek's arms as he shouted for help. After that moment everything went fast. Panic. Ambulance. The doctors saying that his heart was still beating. A hope that maybe it wasn't that bad, maybe it wasn't Derek's fault. A non stopping questions from the pack as Alpha was driving to the hospital.   
But he didn't hear them. Only thing he could think about was how he let Stiles down. How could he not see what was going on earlier? How could he be so blind?  
After he parked his car next to Sheriff's he slammed the door and ran into the building, praying it wasn't something serious. Praying that Stiles was still alive. Looking around the halls he finally found Sheriff and Melissa standing in front of the room.   
"I don't care if you're important, I'll kill you if you're not gonna tell me what's going on." boy's dad hissed when Derek approached them before the rest.  
In a response Hale grabbed his wrist and pulled him away from the others.  
"He is sick." He whispered.  
"What the hell does that supposed to mean?"   
"Your son has..." before he could finish the sentence doors to Stiles' room opened.   
"I'm looking for Derek Hale." Doctor announced looking around.   
"Here." Werewolf responded stepping away from Sheriff.   
"He is still weak but he woke up and he wants to talk to you." men explained letting him in.   
Stiles was laying in a bed, covered to his chest, with a drip attached to his hand.   
"Hi there Sourwolf." Boy smiled weakly. "Got a little scared huh?"   
Single tear fell from wolf's eye before he laughed shortly.   
"You have no idea." he said sitting next to the bed. "What happened?"  
"I passed out. Turns out that my body needs something more than water." He joked, although he was scared inside.  
"Stiles..." Derek sighed.   
"Did you tell my dad?" human asked suddenly.  
"I was about to, but Doctor-"   
"Please don't." Stiles cut him off. "I don't want him to worry."   
"He may help."   
"Doctors already know. They'll give me a proper treatment. I'll be okay."  
"You will.." Derek smiled as he took Stiles' hand into his.   
Soon later everyone was able to came in, attacking Stiles with non ending questions like "What happened?" and "Are you okay?", most of them came from Scott.  
"Relax McCall, I didn't sleep much and just passed out.." human lied smiling.   
"You look like a skeleton.." Malia commented.  
"You sure it was just the lack of sleep?" Lydia asked scanning boy's body with her smart eyes.   
"I'm sure." Stiles responded quickly.   
" If there is any way we can help.." Melissa started.  
"Guys relax..." brunet spoke. "Everything is fine, just got a little weak, that's all."   
Derek couldn't believe when everyone just agreed to what his boyfriend was saying. How could they be so blind? He felt anger rushing in his veins, making his eyes changed as he started trembling. Stiles felt it immediately so he squeezed Hale's hand a little bit harder to calm him, what didn't work, so he decided to do it differently. He let go of his hand and sat up just to grab Derek's jacket and pull him into a soft  
kiss. He felt wolf's muscles relax under his touch.   
"Everything will be alright." human repeated when he pulled away. "Now." he raised his voice." I don't want to see anyone till tomorrow. You have a dinner to continue and we don't want Melissa's dishes to waste."   
"But.." Derek started.  
"No but's. See you tomorrow big guy."   
After a moment of complaining and disagreeing everyone finally left the room leaving Stiles alone.   
"Derek.." Sheriff spoke. "I'm sorry for what I said earlier. I'm just.."  
"I'm scared too, sir." Hale admitted.  
"And I know Stiles would kill us if we won't listen to him but.."  
"I'm mot going anywhere."   
"Thank you..."   
He gave his son's boyfriend a sad smile before he followed the others.   
Derek was just ghosting around the hallways, thinking about everything that happened. He wanted to punch something from the frustration growing inside him. He never felt so helpless. When he came back to his boyfriend's room Stiles was already asleep so Derek just sat next to the bed and took Stiles' hand into his like before.  
"I love you so much." He whispered not knowing when he fell asleep until he was woke up in the middle of the night, alarmed by the lack of heartbeat in the room.  
"Nurse!" He shouted when he realized what was happening.   
Stiles was still laying in the bed, but he didn't have pulse. The machine next to him was showing a straight line followed by non ending sound. 

They say that only thing we can be certain about is death but it's not exactly true. No one knows when their time will come, just like no one knows what will happen next.  
When Stiles woke up he wasn't in the hospital anymore. Now everything was blindly white making his eyes hurt from the light.   
"Hello?!" He shouted but no one answered. "Is anyone here?!"   
Still nothing. The silence was overwhelming. Suddenly he heard a well known woman's voice.   
"Stiles?" She asked softly from behind.  
"Mom?" he turned around to see Claudia...She was alive... "Mom.." he repeated.   
His voice was shaking and eyes started getting wet before he ran into her arms, hugging her tightly.  
"What are you doing here son?" She asked worryingly.  
"What are YOU doing here?" He looked at her. "You were..."  
"Dead?" She smiled softly. "I still am honey..."   
"Does that mean..?" Stiles' eyes flashed with fear.  
"Not yet..."   
"Then why can I see you?"  
"I was sent here to help you go back."   
"But I don't want to go back. I want to be with you. I missed you.." now tears were falling one after one from his eyes.   
"I missed you too honey but it's not your time. Not yet."   
"I've done terrible things mom.. I don't deserve to live."   
"Don't say that Stiles. You're a wonderful young man. Besides think about your dad, Scott... Derek."   
"You know about him?"  
"I know everything. He loves you Stiles. More than anything. Don't let your sickness get into your way to happiness."  
"Mom I.." he started but Claudia cut him off.  
"I know that sometimes it can be hard, but you have to fight..."  
"I can't.."  
"Of course you can. Remember what your grandma used to say?"   
"Nie ważne co na zewnątrz, ważne co masz w środku.." he said.  
"And I know you have a huge power inside you Stiles."  
"But what If i won't make it. What if I'll let everyone down."   
"You'd let them down only if you'll stop fighting.. now get back. I'll be waiting for when when it's your time... but now you're more needed there... I love you son..."   
Before Stiles could do anything she started to fade as the voices of nurses and doctor started getting through.   
"Clear!" men shouted before everything trembled.  
"Mom wait!" Stiles wanted to stop her but she was already gone.  
"Clear!" the situation repeated.   
This time he relaxed and closed his eyes.   
"I love you too mom.." he whispered ("Clear!") before the light disappeared and everything was black again.


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know it's been long time since the last part but I had zero idea what was about to happen next, but when I sat with my Martini and Sterek playlist I made it.  
> I know it's sort but I hope you enjoy it and let me know what you think.  
> Mainly inspired by "Wolves" by Down Like Silver and "A new hope" by Broken Iris and "Unsteady" by X Ambassadors.

He was cold and alone in the woods, wearing only hospital pants and shirt he held onto a tree for his dear life. "How did it come to this?" he thought as tears started falling from his eyes.  
\- Earlier-  
When he was conscious again Stiles heard a monochromatic sound that assured him his heart was beating again, then he started to move his eyeballs before he opened his eyelids slowly. It was already dark outside and the only light came from the hall, when he looked around the room everything was almost black except a thick trial leading to the door. No one was there nor in his room. He carefully sat on his bed just to be greeted by headache, dizziness and stomachache. He slowly reached under his pillow and took a sip of his water he found there. Groaning he got up and he slowly make it to the hall with a drip by his side. Even though he ask everyone to leave he deeply hoped Derek stayed because he wanted to tell him about what he saw as soon as he could. First time since the Nogitsune he felt like he want to fight and he will make it. The lack of nurses made him concerned but he kept going. When he turned to the main hall he heard two loud voices coming from next corner and as soon as he got closer he unfortunately recognized them. One of them belonged to Derek and the other was his Dad's. He was now close enough to hear what they're saying but not for them to see him.  
"I don't want you near him understood?!"Sheriff was shouting.  
"It's his life and I won't listen to you!" Derek growled.  
"Don't even say that you're suddenly worried about his well being!" older one shot back."You had one job and now he is sick!"  
"He told my dad?" Stiles thought.  
"What about you?! I at least know when something is wrong with him!" Hale shouted.  
"Do you have any idea how hard it is for me?!" Stilinski asked.  
"For me it's also hard to see him like this but I at least try to do something!" Derek admitted.   
"And I don't!? I still remember how hard it was when his mother died! How hard it was to keeps him alive! I didn't even know he is sick!"  
"Because he didn't want you to worry and now I have to sacrifice every second of my life for him! To keep him safe I have to look up for him! It hurts to see him like this even though I tried so hard to help him!"  
"Have Derek really thought about him like this?" human's eyes started getting wet.  
"It's Stiles for God's sake! He needs to be watched all the time and you know it! If it's that hard to you then go!"John broke.  
That was enough for a teenager who that argument was about. He stepped out of the corner, tears falling heavily from his eyes. Both men suddenly stopped when they saw him. "Stiles..." Derek spoke stepping closer to him but boy backed.  
"Why didn't you tell me I'm just a burden to you?" he managed to tell.  
"Stiles, honey you're not...." werewolf started but Stiles cut him off.  
"You know what?" he said. "Save it." at this words he pulled the drip needle out from his hand, turned away and ran.  
-Now-  
That's how he ended up in the dark woods, fighting with feeling that he was about to pass out. He looked around helplessly when he spot a warm light coming from the ground that turned out to be a grave yard. His anger and sadness lead him straight to his mother's grave.  
"You were wrong." He just whispered sitting next to the stone. "I'm not needed and I am not strong." tears were still falling from his eyes. "Why didn't you take me..." Just like universe wanted him dead Stiles buried his hands in the ground and found a sharp peace of glass.  
"One slit and I'll be with you again." He whispered. "It's not your Time yet.."he heard Claudia's voice in his head."They love you."  
"No they don't!" he burst into tears again before he felt strong arms around him. Stiles didn't panic he just moved further into a hug, breathing in the scent of his boyfriend.  
"I'm sorry.." Derek whispered.  
Stiles didn't answer. They just sat there in silence.

"When I die let the wolves enjoy my bones  
When I die let me go,  
When I die you can push me out to sea  
When I die set me free  
When I die let the sharks come 'round to feed  
When I die set me free  
Oh, the world is dark  
And I've looked as far as I can see  
When the years have torn me apart  
Let me be..."


	5. Chapter 5

Stiles didn't realize how freezing it was until he moved away from Derek's touch.  
"Come on." Werewolf helped him get up. "Let's take you home."  
"It's my fault." human suddenly said as they were walking.  
"What?" Hale asked disoriented.  
"I'm a burden for you. You try to help me and the only thing I can do is fucking up." his sight never met Derek's eyes.  
"Stiles don't.... Look at me" Derek cut him off as they stopped and Stiles did what he was told. "You're not a burden to me and you'll never be. I love you Stiles. I love every single piece of you and I'll never give up on you no matter how hard it will be. I promise."  
"But why?" Stilinski couldn't believe it. "I'm sick Derek and I can't get better."  
"You can and you will." Hale said before leaving a soft kiss on boy's lips. "I love you so freaking much and I'd never forgive myself If something happened to you. Stiles Stilinski you're my whole world." He confessed resting his forehead on Stiles'.  
"I love you too Derek." the boy admitted. "I love you so fucking much you don't even imagine. I'll fight... For you... For mom..."  
"For mom?" Derek asked like he didn't hear what he said.  
"I saw her Derek..." Stiles whispered. "When my heart stopped.... I finally was able to talk to her..." human was scared that his boyfriend will think of him as crazy but he didn't.'  
"And what did she say?" He just asked.  
"That it's not my time yet... that I have so much to live for... That I am strong enough to fight..." Stiles' eyes started getting wet.  
"She was right." Derek smiled whipping one of the tears falling from his eyes with thumb."You are strong enough... Just remember that you're not alone. I'm here for you." "Thanks Sourwolf.." the boy whispered shyly. Sometimes it takes a lot to break someone and only one person to bring them back.

**Author's Note:**

> So I came up with the idea of Stiles having an anorexia.  
> Let me know if you like.


End file.
